Saturday, July 4, 2009

I Know The Truth. You're Pathetic.

I know why you did it.
And I know it's not the reason you've given someone else.
Because that reason, just doesn't make sense.
Not to me, or someone else that I've run it by.
Someone who knows both of us very well and knows about the whole situation from the word go.
I've also talked to the other person involved.
And they've shed some light on the matter too.
Told me things that you most probably didn't want me to, nor thought I ever would, find out.
They looked at a few of the different interactions between the three of us at different times, analysed certain reactions, certain remarks, made to certain comments and has come to a conclusion that we both agree on and find quite legitimate.
It's pathetic.
You are pathetic.
And to lie to cover it up?
Even more pathetic.
Your true colours are exposed.
And it won't be long before everybody else sees it too.
You may look sweet and innocent, but people will soon see you for who and what you are.
A jealous liar who cuts people out of her life when she doesn't get what she wants.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

What a F*cking Rought !

Did you know, that in a lot of cites, states, towns and so on and so forth, in the US, people who do the SAME kind of job I do, who work the SAME kind of hours I do, get paid as little as $3p/h.
They make more in tips in one night than they get for their paycheck.
It's ridiculous.
How is a person supposed to live let alone SAVE.
*sigh* No wonder it's taking so long...
But it's not like I didn't already know this.
I'm just having a bitch.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

haphazardly surviving

can you feel me pushing
pushing you away
can you see the colour
of the blood where i lay
can you see my eyes
staring coldy ahead
can you see there's no life in me
can you see that i'm dead
can you tell that i'm broken
and completely dead deep inside
can you see all of this
now that i am refusing to hide
do you know how i'm feeling
can you say you've been there
do you know that i love you
when i don't seem to care
can you see i'm not dying
that i'm already gone
can you tell that i'm weak
even when i try to be strong
can you see that i'm trying
and that i don't want to give up
can you see that it's draining me
and that my heart's had enough
can you hear that i'm fighting
that i'm fighting to breathe
because right now you're not fighting
fighting for me
can you see i'm exhausted
that i'm a contemptible mess
that i'm different and crazy
haplessly depressed
can you see that i love you
and that i'm not letting go
can you see that i love you
and it's all that i know

Wednesday, May 6, 2009


i feel so weak
and i'm trying to hide
and it's all because you left my side

i'm holding on
by the tips of my fingers
but i'm starting to slip and the pain it still lingers

i'm ready to let go
and back out of the race
the fear grips me coldly as my demons i face

backed into a corner
darkness looming above me
i close my eyes to make it disappear, but still i see

the memories, the love
the smile on your face
the times you held me in your soft warm embrace

never again
will we have moments like that
because you've gone away and you're not comming back

Monday, May 4, 2009


and so my world came crashing down
when you left without a sound
and my heart was left broken into a million pieces

what was i to do
live the rest of my life without you
and wonder if the crying ever ceases

i've been trying oh-so-hard
to mend my heart that's drained and scarred
and my weary soul that is tormented and used-up

my head is unbalanced and uncertain
about the closing of my own final curtain
and i'm anxious, despondent and unstable

i'm trying to get past this
but it is you that i so dearly miss
that is the reason i find myself .. unable.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

This Is Love ...

[1:56:42 PM] Beth: Only the best for Beth, with everything.
[1:56:52 PM] Beth: I'm picky
[1:57:05 PM] Bonnie: well i'm glad you picked me ...
[1:57:33 PM] Beth: Oh I no doubt have the best woman in the world!
[1:57:39 PM] Beth: no doubt baby!!
[1:57:53 PM] Bonnie: mmm ... i beg to differ sometimes ...
[1:58:15 PM] Beth: Are you gonna cheat on me?
[1:58:21 PM] Bonnie: no !
[1:58:23 PM] Beth: Are you gonna hurt me?
[1:58:31 PM] Bonnie: not on purpose ...
[1:59:07 PM] Beth: Are you gonna make me cry and not chase after me if we have a fight?
[1:59:40 PM] Bonnie: no ... well i hope i don't make you cry ! and if we fight and you run away, of course i'll chase after you !
[2:00:32 PM] Beth: Are you gonna leave me alone in the rain?
[2:01:06 PM] Bonnie: never !
if anything i'll sit in the rain for hours on end with you if i have to ...
[2:01:19 PM] Beth: Will you hold me every night? And stand beside me always??
[2:01:39 PM] Bonnie: always. always always always !
[2:01:47 PM] Beth: Will you kiss me passionately till the day we die?
[2:02:07 PM] Bonnie: i couldn't kiss you any other way ...
[2:02:14 PM] Beth: See baby...that's why I have the best.
[2:02:19 PM] Beth: You have my heart
[2:02:31 PM] Beth: You are the best if you have my heart

you said i must eat so many lemons, 'cause i am so bitter

i am a very bitter person right now.
a very angry, bitter, bitter person.
not on a whole.
just towards one person.
ok two.
i'm trying really hard to not be so bitterly angry.
coz it's really not good for me.
not good at all.
and it's not like my bitter anger directed towards these two people serves me any purpose.
it's not like it solves or fixes anything.
or makes me feel better.
being bitter, does not make you feel better.
so what's the point.
i just can't help it.
there is so much anger inside me right now.
i need to let it out.
where are my art supplies when i need them !!
i need to paint ...

Fuck Off Shelby

that's right.
fuck off.
you did this.
do not come here anymore.
you are not welcome.
do not read my blogs.
any of them.
why don't you go write an exaggeration about this one.
you're good at that.

Bonnie is Angry

i've read something.
something i probably shouldn't read.
something that has made me angry.
very angry.
and it's all i can do to hold back from saying anything to the particular person who wrote it.
maybe she'll read this.
i don't know.
i don't care.
but to whinge and bitch about feeling as if you will never be good enough for anyone, or good enough to ever be able to make someone happy and putting in mountains of effort only to be shot down in the end anyway, after you had something with someone who you were good enough for. that you did make them happy.  and the so-called "mountains of effort" you put in, were never ever shot down by them. to turn around and bitch and moan about all this, after all that. after what you did. what you said. how you treated them. is undeniably selfish, self-centered and down-right pathetic.
and to have the nerve to turn around to someone and get up them, bitch at them, for disliking you for what you did and holding it against you, telling them to get over it and saying that it's not their business ...
i'm sorry ... my friends are my business.
they hurt. i hurt.
and i will always have their back. whether they get over a situation and forgive far too easily, things that do not deserve forgiving.
but that's just my opinion.
which i am entitled to, as everybody else is entitled to their own.
and i am dead-set certain that i am not the only one, that feels this way.
you are a bad person.
you are a waste of space.
and you deserve everything you get.

Saturday, April 11, 2009


i took my halo and broke it in half
i decided to take the less travelled path
i've stepped up to the challenge; and taken a risk
taken a chance on love; and all that i've missed
i hold out my hand
my arms ready and waiting
to take her and hold her
my heart's no longer debating
no long holding, onto something that was
no longer encompassed, by the pain that she caused
breaking free of the cycle and finally moving on, letting go
embracing my life and the real love that's shown

"how could you"

so ... i wrote this song ...

she cries at night
can't close her eyes
because she still remembers what that night was like

she hates the dark
won't turn off the light
because she's still afraid you've got her in your sights



she's just a child
just a baby
the sweetest little angel that you ever did see
how could you do it
why couldn't you just let her be


how could you hurt that child
how could you lay a finger on her
how could you do that to such an innocent little bystander

how could you live with that and still live your life
like you still have that right

how could you
how could you
how could you hurt that child 

i guess i'm needier than i thought i was

ok so i'm kinda realising a few things about myself, that really aren't all that bad, i don't think.
and if they make me a needy person. or needier than most. or even high maintenance. then so be it.

i need recognition for things i do, as little as they may be.
i need to know that i am appreciated. even though i already know it.
i am emotional person, who feels things deeply, and  that means it hurts me, however unintentional it may be, it still hurts me, when i do something nice or sweet for someone or do something to show how i feel, and it goes unmentioned. unrecognised.

it makes me feel ... unimportant.
even though, i know that i am important.

Monday, March 16, 2009

We'll Feel

Written: 12-03-2009

when we touch
we'll feel the rush
of the way that we feel
in a world so surreal
when our eyes meet
we'll feel the heat
we'll feel the emotion
our utmost devotion
the adoration
we feel for each other
we'll no longer be distanced
or kept under cover
we'll feel the desire creeping out from within
and together we'll burn whilst together our hearts sing


sparks will fly
when you meet my eye
when you touch my hand
and together we'll stand
while my heart you'll touch
will it all be too much
will we crumble and fall
like the bricks from my wall
when the timing is right
a fire will ignite
between our hearts it will burn
and we shall no longer yearn
for the day we can share the way that we feel
in each others arms, we can make it all real

Freed From The Demons

Written: 11-03-2009

watch me go.
watch me walk away.
watch me run for cover.
watch me hide, and hear me as i say;
baby i'm not running from you.
i'm not hiding or walking away.
so go on now, take hold of my outstretched hand.
step into my arms that are open for you, only you.
and know that;
i'm running from me,
my demons within,
and if you promise me patience, you'll see that i'll win.
and then you will have me all to yourself and the demons will lose,
and i'll be free of fear, and give my all only to you.

Say The Words

i want to say the words
because i feel it deep inside
i want to say the words
i no longer want to hide
i want to say the words
that you want to hear
i want to say the words
but you are nowhere near
i want to say the words
and put your hand upon my heart
i want to say the words
and from you never part
i want to say the words
that it's just so clear to see
i want to say the words
that are felt between you and me

Friday, March 13, 2009

Saying "It" For The First Time

when i say "i love you" for the first time, it won't be in a text message, online, or over the phone.
i refuse to let something so special be just something else that's said.
just another few words in a conversation.
like everyday, ordinary words; like "hello" and "goodbye".
when i say "i love you" it will be in a "moment"... where it just rolls off my tongue, naturally and full of the emotion those three little words contain.
because then you know i mean it.
and you can't have a "moment" over the internet, in a text message, or over the phone.

Thursday, March 12, 2009


when our eyes meet for the very first time
it will be then that we'll know, if i'm yours and you mine
we can then share the fire that burns deep inside
with flames that keep growing and we can no longer hide
with our emotions so raw that they cannot be contained
that they cannot be disguised, concealed or refrained

Walking A Thin Line

Written: 6-3-2009

i'm walking a thin line
trying hard to decide
whether this here right now
is worth the long run outcome
i'm walking a thin line
wondering which side is right
the safe side or the side
where i take a risk
i'm walking a thin line
wanting just to take a dive
and land safely in her arms where she waits
i'm walking a thin line
and running out of precious time
how long until it all just falls apart
how much more can this line withstand
and decision here needs to be made
so i have made it
and all i can do is wait

She ...

she strikes a match inside my heart
ignites a fire that burns so bright
she strikes a cord and makes me sing
loud and proud with words from within
she's scaled my wall with little effort or none
reached inside my soul and will stay 'til she's done
she speaks to me and sings me our song
and in my eyes she does no wrong
she melts my heart and can be found there inside
she's taken my cover and i can no longer hide
and so i bask in the glory of the emotions we share
she has entered my life and i feel in my heart she is there

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Strong Word. Big Word. Special Word.

Love is a strong word.
It is a big word.
It is a special word.
And when I say "I Love You" ... Like really say it. Like use the word "Love".
I mean it.
I won't say it if I don't feel it.
And I won't say it if I don't feel ready.
So ... I'm feeling it.
But I'm just not ready to say it.
Yet ...

Monday, March 9, 2009

I'm Not Sure

Written: 27-02-2009

I’m not sure,
Just how much more;
Of this loneliness I can take.
I’m not sure,
Just how much more;
I can continue to wait.
I’m not sure,
Just how much more;
I can keep going as I do.
I’m not sure,
Just how much more;
I can keep holding on for you.
I’m not sure,
Just how much more;
You can keep holding on for me.
I’m not sure, I’m just not sure;
But in the end we’ll see.

Something Special

Written: 04-03-2009

This thing we have where I heart you,
And you heart me,
It’s plain to see;
That we could maybe,
Possibly be;
Something special.
Something strong.
Something right;
Not something wrong.
And make it work.
Make it last.
And not become something to add to our past.
Something to look towards making a future to grow.
Of something so precious and quite wonderful.


Written: 28-02-2009

I’m bleeding through the bandages
And she doesn’t seem to care
She says “you will be just fine, you just sit and wait right there”
So I’m sitting and I’m waiting
And I’m waiting here some more
Until I just can’t take it
And I make a run for it towards the door
The people all start shouting
And my friend takes up the chase
But I’m out the door and down the stairs
I’m running from this place
I’m bolting across the parking lot
And heading for a train
And I’m hearing him behind me
Calling out my name
I ignore his calls and keep right on
And I’m pumping my legs harder
But he catches up and grabs hold of me
And I can go no farther
He’s got a grip and not letting go
He’s strong for someone his size
I’m struggling but I can’t break free as the tears stream from my eyes
I collapse to the ground and hold on tight
As he tells me it’s ok
He says I’ll be fine
I just need some time
And I should just go back inside
So he stands up and reaches down and helps me to my feet
And I take hold
And follow on
As I finally admit defeat


Written: 25-02-2009

Miles away,
And oceans apart;
You’ve managed to find your way into my heart.
Attaching yourself,
And tying the stings;
Of your heart to mine,
And so it begins.
The emotions emerging,
Wanting to be known;
Wanting the love,
That I’ve craved for so long.
Wanting to have you,
Right here, right now;
And knowing it will, work itself out somehow.


Written: 25-02-2009

Come a little closer dear
And let me whisper in your ear
All the things I want to do
And the fact that I am falling for you
Let me take you by the hand
And lead you to another land
To another world, our own special place
Where together as one our dreams we’ll chase
And capture them and live them out
Where from the top of my lungs I will shout
All the things I think and feel
Because you thawed me out and made it real
You’ve stopped me dead and blown me away
And when you arrive I hope that you’ll stay
Because you’ve touched my soul and entered my heart
And from you I couldn’t bear to be apart
For you made me feel and open up
And you’ve opened a door I don’t want to shut

Where Are You Dream Lover

Written: 25-02-2009

Where are you dream lover
The girl of my dreams
The one I had found before
Or at the time, so it seemed
Where are you dream lover
Why don’t you come hold my hand
Why don’t you come and kiss me
I don’t understand
Where are you dream lover
When I’m lonely at late at night
Where are you to hold me
And make it alright
Where are you dream lover
Why don’t you turn on the light
Lead me out of this darkness
And into your love and your life


Written: 25-02-2009

You’re in my heart.
You’re in my dreams.
It happened so quickly;
I didn’t even see.
When did they start ?
These feelings inside;
How did they grow ?
When I’ve been trying to hide.
How did you find me ?
And coax me into the light.
How did you do it -
Enter my life ?

Replacing The Pieces

Written: 25-02-2009

Could this really be real
Or is it a dream
Am I feeling these feelings
Oh where have they been
I’d locked them away
To never be found
But found them you did
From deep underground
I’d buried them there
Along with my heart
But you found it
And took it
And brushed off the dirt
Sweeping away all the mess
That someone else left behind
Replacing the pieces
And easing my mind

How Long Must I Wait

Written: 25-02-2009

How long must I wait
Til you get on a plane
And arrive where I am
To ease all the pain
How long must I wait
Til you finally get here
Til the day I can take you
In my arms, hold you near
How long must I wait
For our very first kiss
For the moment the whole world disappears
And we are lost in our bliss
How long must I wait
For the best days to come
Where we can just be together
And combine and be one

How Long

Written: 25-02-2009

How long is the river
That flows to the sea
How far is the distance between you and me
How long is the timeframe
Until we can make it all real
How long til we can share it
Share what we feel
How long til I hold you
And call you all mine
How long til you kiss me
And push my fear aside
How long til the day
We can just be together
How long, oh how long
Because it feels like forever

Don't Go

Written: 25-02-2009

Don’t you go anywhere
Don’t you dare leave
For I have just found you
So I’m begging you please
Don’t disappear
Don’t go away
For now that I’ve found you
I want you to stay

My Defences

Written: 11-02-2009

Backed up against the wall
With no place left to go
So I’m crouching down and hiding from how I feel

I’m flicking the “off” switch
If only I could find it
Then maybe I could find a way how to deal

Because it’s all too confusing
Complicated and heart bruising
And I don’t think that I can take any more

So I’m putting up my defences
Not taking any chances
Holding onto my heart before it hit’s the floor

It's Not Me, It's You.

Written: 11-02-2009

Its take me some time,
But I’ve finally realised;
That the problem is not me, it’s you.

All of the abuse,
Although not physical;
Was not because of me, it was you.

My heart still has an ache,
Even though I left the state;
And I did all this for me, not you.

And although I love you dearly,
I see it all so clearly;
I know now it’s not me, it’s you.

Something That I Need

Written: 30-01-2009

So the decision is made

I’m walking away
An putting an end to this mess

For we cannot move forward
Or to the future toward
So this really is for the best

I don’t know how long I can wait
Before I open the gate
To let someone else in and not you

For I’m available now
But I do not see how
We can make this work between two

Because you are taken
And I’m sick of waitin’
For something that I need right now

You Don't Work That Way

Written: 29-01-2009

I didn’t want this…

I didn’t WANT this !
I didn’t want to feel anything again. Like, ever.
Why must life insist on doing this to me over and over again ?
I was not looking for anything.
I wasn’t wanting anything.
Then all of a sudden…
BAM ! There it is.
Starts off as a twinge of a feeling. A very slight feeling.
And then all of a sudden, out of the blue, you’re feeling something so much more than you intended or even wanted to feel.
And at first you’re like, No. Go away.
And ignore it.
But then it gets too much to ignore.
Especially when someone is giving you the attention you’ve been craving.
When someone is interested in you and you know it.
And so you start thinking, well… hang on… this is kinda nice…
And so you start wanting more.
But you shouldn’t.
Because it’s complicated.
And there’s someone else involved.
And you don’t work that way.

Pro-Con List

Written: 29-01-2009

So … I’m in a bit of a pickle right now.

I’m quite confused and don’t really know what to do with myself.

Everything is so complicated, I should probably be used to it because I always end up doing this to myself somehow.

It involves two people.
Three if you include me.
And I have a decision to make.
Quite a few actually.

Who do I choose ?
Do I take a chance with someone who WILL have to leave ?
Do I let myself become “the other woman” and do what I want. What I need. And be able to handle the guilt of being that “other woman”, even though there’s been no physical act.
Do I step back and retreat ?
Run away from what I feel or step up and take the challenge life has thrown at me ?
Do I forget about both ?

How do I choose between one or the other ?

Pro-Con list ?

Will that really clear everything up for me ?

I don’t know what to do !

I’m so scared of falling and failing again.

I’m so scared to feel anything for anybody even though I already do …

And it’s so complicated, because there are two.

What Happens Next

Written: 25-01-2009

I’m not going to be some “back-up” plan

Someone who doesn’t know where they stand
I’m not second best, I’m my own number one
And if that means I have to let go, then it shall be done
I won’t hold on, to something not there
I’m not going to let this one mess with my head
Because it’s way too early, it’s way too soon
To be stressing and worrying so I’ll just change my tune
I’m not going to message, I’m not going to text
I’ll just leave it alone and see what happens next

The Key

Written: 25-01-2009

It’s all unravelling

It’s coming undone
It’s all going sour
And it’s no longer fun
It’s no longer exciting
It’s no longer a thrill
I’m now unresponsive
I’m now standing still
I’m not taking this further
I’m not going to wait
I’m closing my door
And locking my gate
If someone wants in
They just need the key
And until they find it
They’ll get nothing from me

Taylor Swift

Written: 24-01-2009

I’ve been listening to a lot of Taylor Swift lately and find myself connecting and relating on a much

deeper level than I ever have.
I also find myself linking my current situation to them.
They make my mind tick.
And my heart swell with emotion in a way I really don’t know if I want to be feeling.
It scares me that after loving someone for so long, and still loving them, and putting myself through hell unaccountable times, that I could start feeling again. Especially after swearing never again.
I didn’t ever want to get involved with anybody ever again.
I’d convinced myself that I would be better off alone.
That way, I am the only one to blame for any of my actions. I am the only one that can be held responsible for any decisions made and repercussions of those decisions.
However, I realise now that being alone, I’d be missing out on all the things I love. Yes, I knew at the time, but I didn’t care. I figured that I could block it out and it wouldn’t matter. But it does matter.
I need affection. I need personal contact on a deeper level than what my friends can offer. I need the kind other class of friendship-relationship. Someone I can connect with on a more sonorous, intense level. Emotionally. Physically. Compatibly.
And to exclude myself from all of that, to distance myself, I’d be missing out. And I wouldn’t really be happy, no matter how many times I’d be telling myself that I’m just saving myself from heartache.
I think … I’m now ready to take some risks.
I’ve let someone else affect me for far too long now and it’s time to let go. For good.
So in the words of Dar Williams:
Farewell to the old me, my life is working better now, it’s always changing anyhow.

Just Feel It

Written: 24-01-2009

I can feel the ice around my heart melting.

I can feel the wall I built around myself starting to come down.
Bit by bit.
Brick by brick.
Slowly, but surely.
I can feel my heart strings straining and reaching for something, pulling me along saying “come on Bonnie, it’s about time you started to feel again. It’s time to move on, move forward. Let it go. Let yourself go. Open up and let someone in. Don’t ignore what’s right there in front of you. Don’t let it slip through your fingers. Just feel it.”
I never wanted to feel again for fear of failing miserably yet again.
But what’s life without risks.
Without taking a chance on something without knowing what the outcome will be.
As a wise friend once said to me: you should just go on the ride, and not worry about the fact that sooner or later you have to get off that ride, and just enjoy it for what it is.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

new and totally different

so ... this is going to be a totally new and different blog compared to my myspace one.
there will be no shitty quizzes.
there will be no random bouts of lyrics.
just me and my thoughts.
just me and my poetry.
just me and how i feel ... inside.
complete and utter honesty.
the internal me.
from my inner self.
the very core of my being.

until i am ready

i'm running from the expectations
crazy days
and situations
hiding where no one will look
in the most obscure cranny and nook
shutting my eyes
and closing my ears
so i don't have to see
and i don't have to hear
closing my mouth
zipping my lips
i'll not say a word
although my heart skips
i'll not show my face
i'll not come undone
i'll stay in the darkness
and hide from the sun
until i am ready
to step into the light
until i am ready
to put up a fight

when ...

nothing really matters
when your life is in tatters
when you're feeling cold and feeling lost
when you're feeling confused, wanting your heart to defrost
when you long for the warmth from the arms of another
when you want nothing more than the touch from a lover
when you ache to be held and told that you're something
that you are something special and not just a nothing
when you crave to be shown the love and affection
the kind that is linked to a meaningful sanction
when you want to move forward and progress with your life
and stop clinging to the past that just makes you cry
when you want to be happy and not such a wreck
where your head is a mess and your heart is oppressed
when you want someone to come and put the pieces together
and help pull you back from the end of your tether
to tell you you're worth it and not run you down
to help you to smile and pick you up off the ground
to hold you and tell you it will all be ok
that you can be strong, that they wont go away

until i am sure

i'm holding back, from what i know
just for a little while, i'm letting go
because i fall too fast and i feel too much
so forgive me if i, shy away from your touch
forgive me, if i run and i hide
forgive me if i, do not let you inside
inside my head or inside my heart
inside the place where new beginnings start
i'll shut down my feelings and then close my door
i'll not let myself feel, until i am sure
sure that i can withstand all of the pressure
or whether or not i deserve any pleasure
sure of the fact that i will not be hurt
or whether or not it will be worth all the effort

Monday, January 12, 2009


running scared
running blind
trying in vain
to find somewhere to hide
to escape from the feeling
that's starting to grow
evolving inside of me
that i try not to show
disappearing, i go underground
hiding within the darkness
i don't dare make a sound
for fear of being heard
for fear of being found


i'm shouting outloud
but can't figure out
who's name i am calling
or what it's about
why i am yelling
and screaming inside
why i cannot open up
why i just hide
why i can't draw you closer
why i just run away
turning my back
why i choose not to stay
the icy cold fear
grabs hold of my heart
so i slam the door
thinking i'm smart
hoping my wall
can't be penetrated
that something new
will not be created

it's over. i'm done.

factions, fictions
all in sections
missing pieces
put together
don't really fit
will they ever
who are you ?
who am i ?
if it's really wrong,
why is it right ?
standing strong
in the darkness
trying to breathe
in a room that is airless
hold my breath and wait for the sun
waiting for everything to come undone
as it always does
and i feel the pain
going through it
all over again
not wanting to continue
to move forward, move on
i'm over the hearache.
it's over.
i'm done.

crazy situation

don't beat down my door
don't tell me you want more
don't threaten to take me right here on the floor
because what am i to do
with my thoughts consumed by you
and a crazy connection that's just come out of the blue
laced with complications
confusion and strange attractions
and an outcome short of nothing but disaster
i think i need to slow down
step back and get the low down
so i don't end up right back at square one
where i'm the one who loses
with a broken heart and bruises
and my life once again comes all undone

i will stand in the light

you're narcisistic.
so sadistic.
really twisted in the head.
had me believing i'd be better off dead.
if i wasn't with you then i couldn't live.
said nasty things that i shouldn't forgive.
strung me along blinded by love.
pushed me away with an almighty shove.
and then pulled me back because you couldn't let go.
because you still felt something and i'm what you know.
but now that i realise and i've opened my eyes
and although i still love you i say my goodbyes.
i put you behind me and brush tears aside.
standing up strong i will no longer hide.
i will stand in the light for all to see.
i will stand in the light and let someone love me.

someday soon

what would you do if i wasn't around.
if i just disappeared,
went underground.
how would you feel if i was no longer here.
if you could never again.
hold me near.
if you could never kiss me or hold my hand.
if i wasn't around to see you play in your band.
if you could no longer touch me,
or give me a call.
would any of this even affect you at all.
because it kills me to be at the place i am now,
when you're so far away, but so close somehow.
where i cannot kiss you or touch you at all.
where i cant hold you close or give you a call,
to come over and see me so we can lay side by side,
holding each other all through the night.
for you drove me away with your yes and your no.
i had no other choice, but to leave, to just go.
to leave you behind and break my own heart,
and hope that you realise we were not meant to part.
that someday soon you will call me and say,
that you're coming to get me to take me away.



let's just see what happens down the track
take my hand.
don't look back.
stare straight ahead with that look in your eye.
the look that tells me (that) we will be fine.
because we have each other.
together we stand.
so come along baby, just take my hand.
(just take my hand tonight)
it'll be alright.
it'll be just fine.
because i am yours.
and you are mine.
(because i am yours and you are mine).


Happily Ever After

whatever happened
to my happily ever after
when we were together
we could have had forever
but you chose to leave
throw it away
toss me aside
now i'll never be the same again

because i love you
but i lost you
and i want you to know

it will always be this way
it will always stay the same

my heart will stay yours forever more


I'll Just Pretend

Don't worry about me
I'll just repress
I won't persist
in chasing you anymore

I'll just pretend
it doesn't matter that you don't want me
I'll just pretend
it doesn't matter that you don't miss me
that you don't miss me anymore

I'll hold onto my heart
with all the strength I have
I'll hold onto my heart
I'll try my best not to cave
I'll hold onto my heart
push you to the back of my mind
I'll hold onto my heart
with all the strength that i can find