Sunday, April 12, 2009

This Is Love ...

[1:56:42 PM] Beth: Only the best for Beth, with everything.
[1:56:52 PM] Beth: I'm picky
[1:57:05 PM] Bonnie: well i'm glad you picked me ...
[1:57:33 PM] Beth: Oh I no doubt have the best woman in the world!
[1:57:39 PM] Beth: no doubt baby!!
[1:57:53 PM] Bonnie: mmm ... i beg to differ sometimes ...
[1:58:15 PM] Beth: Are you gonna cheat on me?
[1:58:21 PM] Bonnie: no !
[1:58:23 PM] Beth: Are you gonna hurt me?
[1:58:31 PM] Bonnie: not on purpose ...
[1:59:07 PM] Beth: Are you gonna make me cry and not chase after me if we have a fight?
[1:59:40 PM] Bonnie: no ... well i hope i don't make you cry ! and if we fight and you run away, of course i'll chase after you !
[2:00:32 PM] Beth: Are you gonna leave me alone in the rain?
[2:01:06 PM] Bonnie: never !
if anything i'll sit in the rain for hours on end with you if i have to ...
[2:01:19 PM] Beth: Will you hold me every night? And stand beside me always??
[2:01:39 PM] Bonnie: always. always always always !
[2:01:47 PM] Beth: Will you kiss me passionately till the day we die?
[2:02:07 PM] Bonnie: i couldn't kiss you any other way ...
[2:02:14 PM] Beth: See baby...that's why I have the best.
[2:02:19 PM] Beth: You have my heart
[2:02:31 PM] Beth: You are the best if you have my heart

you said i must eat so many lemons, 'cause i am so bitter

i am a very bitter person right now.
a very angry, bitter, bitter person.
not on a whole.
just towards one person.
ok two.
i'm trying really hard to not be so bitterly angry.
coz it's really not good for me.
not good at all.
and it's not like my bitter anger directed towards these two people serves me any purpose.
it's not like it solves or fixes anything.
or makes me feel better.
being bitter, does not make you feel better.
so what's the point.
i just can't help it.
there is so much anger inside me right now.
i need to let it out.
where are my art supplies when i need them !!
i need to paint ...

Fuck Off Shelby

that's right.
fuck off.
you did this.
do not come here anymore.
you are not welcome.
do not read my blogs.
any of them.
why don't you go write an exaggeration about this one.
you're good at that.

Bonnie is Angry

i've read something.
something i probably shouldn't read.
something that has made me angry.
very angry.
and it's all i can do to hold back from saying anything to the particular person who wrote it.
maybe she'll read this.
i don't know.
i don't care.
but to whinge and bitch about feeling as if you will never be good enough for anyone, or good enough to ever be able to make someone happy and putting in mountains of effort only to be shot down in the end anyway, after you had something with someone who you were good enough for. that you did make them happy.  and the so-called "mountains of effort" you put in, were never ever shot down by them. to turn around and bitch and moan about all this, after all that. after what you did. what you said. how you treated them. is undeniably selfish, self-centered and down-right pathetic.
and to have the nerve to turn around to someone and get up them, bitch at them, for disliking you for what you did and holding it against you, telling them to get over it and saying that it's not their business ...
i'm sorry ... my friends are my business.
they hurt. i hurt.
and i will always have their back. whether they get over a situation and forgive far too easily, things that do not deserve forgiving.
but that's just my opinion.
which i am entitled to, as everybody else is entitled to their own.
and i am dead-set certain that i am not the only one, that feels this way.
you are a bad person.
you are a waste of space.
and you deserve everything you get.

Saturday, April 11, 2009


i took my halo and broke it in half
i decided to take the less travelled path
i've stepped up to the challenge; and taken a risk
taken a chance on love; and all that i've missed
i hold out my hand
my arms ready and waiting
to take her and hold her
my heart's no longer debating
no long holding, onto something that was
no longer encompassed, by the pain that she caused
breaking free of the cycle and finally moving on, letting go
embracing my life and the real love that's shown

"how could you"

so ... i wrote this song ...

she cries at night
can't close her eyes
because she still remembers what that night was like

she hates the dark
won't turn off the light
because she's still afraid you've got her in your sights



she's just a child
just a baby
the sweetest little angel that you ever did see
how could you do it
why couldn't you just let her be


how could you hurt that child
how could you lay a finger on her
how could you do that to such an innocent little bystander

how could you live with that and still live your life
like you still have that right

how could you
how could you
how could you hurt that child 

i guess i'm needier than i thought i was

ok so i'm kinda realising a few things about myself, that really aren't all that bad, i don't think.
and if they make me a needy person. or needier than most. or even high maintenance. then so be it.

i need recognition for things i do, as little as they may be.
i need to know that i am appreciated. even though i already know it.
i am emotional person, who feels things deeply, and  that means it hurts me, however unintentional it may be, it still hurts me, when i do something nice or sweet for someone or do something to show how i feel, and it goes unmentioned. unrecognised.

it makes me feel ... unimportant.
even though, i know that i am important.