Lost and Dead

I can't say the things I have on my mind
Because it will hurt those I love and the strength I can't find
To face the backlash and the consequences of honesty
That they all don't realise and just cannot see
That I am actually drowning with no sign of help
For try as they may I am already dead

I Know The Truth. You're Pathetic.

I know why you did it.

And I know it's not the reason you've given someone else.

Because that reason, just doesn't make sense.

Not to me, or someone else that I've run it by.

Someone who knows both of us very well and knows about the whole situation from the word go.

I've also talked to the other person involved.

And they've shed some light on the matter too.

Told me things that you most probably didn't want me to, nor thought I ever would, find out.

They looked at a few of the different interactions between the three of us at different times, analysed certain reactions, certain remarks, made to certain comments and has come to a conclusion that we both agree on and find quite legitimate.

Jealousy.

It's pathetic.

You are pathetic.

And to lie to cover it up?

Even more pathetic.

Your true colours are exposed.

And it won't be long before everybody else sees it too.

You may look sweet and innocent, but people will soon see you for who and what you are.

A jealous liar who cuts people out of her life when she doesn't get what she wants.

What a F*cking Rought !

Did you know, that in a lot of cites, states, towns and so on and so forth, in the US, people who do the SAME kind of job I do, who work the SAME kind of hours I do, get paid as little as $3p/h.

They make more in tips in one night than they get for their paycheck.

It's ridiculous.

How is a person supposed to live let alone SAVE.

*sigh* No wonder it's taking so long...

But it's not like I didn't already know this.

I'm just having a bitch.

haphazardly surviving

can you feel me pushing

pushing you away

can you see the colour

of the blood where i lay

can you see my eyes

staring coldy ahead

can you see there's no life in me

can you see that i'm dead

can you tell that i'm broken

and completely dead deep inside

can you see all of this

now that i am refusing to hide

do you know how i'm feeling

can you say you've been there

do you know that i love you

when i don't seem to care

can you see i'm not dying

that i'm already gone

can you tell that i'm weak

even when i try to be strong

can you see that i'm trying

and that i don't want to give up

can you see that it's draining me

and that my heart's had enough

can you hear that i'm fighting

that i'm fighting to breathe

because right now you're not fighting

fighting for me

can you see i'm exhausted

that i'm a contemptible mess

that i'm different and crazy

haplessly depressed

can you see that i love you

and that i'm not letting go

can you see that i love you

and it's all that i know

untitled

i feel so weak

and i'm trying to hide

and it's all because you left my side

i'm holding on

by the tips of my fingers

but i'm starting to slip and the pain it still lingers

i'm ready to let go

and back out of the race

the fear grips me coldly as my demons i face

backed into a corner

darkness looming above me

i close my eyes to make it disappear, but still i see

the memories, the love

the smile on your face

the times you held me in your soft warm embrace

never again

will we have moments like that

because you've gone away and you're not comming back

Unable

and so my world came crashing down

when you left without a sound

and my heart was left broken into a million pieces

what was i to do

live the rest of my life without you

and wonder if the crying ever ceases

i've been trying oh-so-hard

to mend my heart that's drained and scarred

and my weary soul that is tormented and used-up

my head is unbalanced and uncertain

about the closing of my own final curtain

and i'm anxious, despondent and unstable

i'm trying to get past this

but it is you that i so dearly miss

that is the reason i find myself .. unable.

This Is Love ...

[1:56:42 PM] Beth: Only the best for Beth, with everything.

[1:56:52 PM] Beth: I'm picky

[1:57:05 PM] Bonnie: well i'm glad you picked me ...

[1:57:33 PM] Beth: Oh I no doubt have the best woman in the world!

[1:57:39 PM] Beth: no doubt baby!!

[1:57:53 PM] Bonnie: mmm ... i beg to differ sometimes ...

[1:58:15 PM] Beth: Are you gonna cheat on me?

[1:58:21 PM] Bonnie: no !

[1:58:23 PM] Beth: Are you gonna hurt me?

[1:58:31 PM] Bonnie: not on purpose ...

[1:59:07 PM] Beth: Are you gonna make me cry and not chase after me if we have a fight?

[1:59:40 PM] Bonnie: no ... well i hope i don't make you cry ! and if we fight and you run away, of course i'll chase after you !

[2:00:32 PM] Beth: Are you gonna leave me alone in the rain?

[2:01:06 PM] Bonnie: never !

if anything i'll sit in the rain for hours on end with you if i have to ...

[2:01:19 PM] Beth: Will you hold me every night? And stand beside me always??

[2:01:39 PM] Bonnie: always. always always always !

[2:01:47 PM] Beth: Will you kiss me passionately till the day we die?

[2:02:07 PM] Bonnie: i couldn't kiss you any other way ...

[2:02:14 PM] Beth: See baby...that's why I have the best.

[2:02:19 PM] Beth: You have my heart

[2:02:31 PM] Beth: You are the best if you have my heart